I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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