thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
