Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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