I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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