the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
