JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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