I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
