I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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