she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
