So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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