he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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