in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
