Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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