you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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