non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize