Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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