TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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