Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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