to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
