Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize