I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
this is an emotional support booty call
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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