This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
