I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars