Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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