I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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