Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
