If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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