you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
