well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
