i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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