You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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