i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
