Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
