Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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