God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
