you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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