I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
