She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm like, not good at living.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
