Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
