Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
