i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
