pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
