We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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