Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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