We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
