whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize