the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize