youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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