david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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