somebody snuck up and got me drunk
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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