Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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