Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
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Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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