The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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