I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize