once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
