My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
only if we run a train.
done.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
