You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
