Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
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I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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