He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
